… protecting us, telling us how to live.
Since I really adore this quote I thought it is a nice way to start this first blog post. So welcome to my blog, I’m glad you’re here.
I’m usually not afraid of blank pages but this one is going to be on the internet now (omg) so in the beginning I was kinda struggling with what to write about. It’s just been four weeks that I moved back to Germany after living abroad in London for 18 months. So in fact there have been many new beginnings for me lately. I am currently sitting in my favourite local pub back in London because I couldn’t help myself but go back for another week, to say hello and goodbye to my lovely friends. I used the excuse that I „have to get some of my stuff“ from there but actually just missed this city so badly. To be fair I have to admit that I actually have to pick up a bag with my old trainers and support one my friends before her big move to Australia.
Anyway. Sitting at the pub, writing my first blog post is like a definition of happiness to me. I always wanted to do that. And now I am actually doing it.
So last week I ended up booking this flight to London and I think this move describes me pretty well. I am super spontaneous and if I wanna do something, I just have to do it. There’s no other way. So basically that means I am mostly trying to do what feels right to me but sometimes it’s a pain, believe me. There are so many emotions to control and to listen to. But anyway, I can only recommend to do so.
This is a new chapter for me and I am happy you’re a part of it. We stumble over new chapters every now and then and it is on us to fill the blank pages with whatever we dream of. The only thing that is constant is that things will always keep changing, around us and inside us. And in-between those changes there is this little gap, where we can start creating our future.
That’s easier said than done and I am honest – the first couple weeks back in Germany I felt like the needle of a damaged compass that points into every direction without stopping anywhere. I thought moving back to where I come from would make me feel grounded but in fact it was like somebody grabbed me and threw me into space, I lost my ground and my body was wandering somewhere else. I didn’t know what to do, where to go. I thought I have to make decisions, at best immediately. I listened deeply into myself but I was stuck in a whirlpool of emotions (I am one of those highly empathic and emotional sort of people in case you haven’t noticed yet). At some point I realised that I don’t have to make any decisions until I don’t know anything yet. All I have to do is work with the current situation that is given to me, until I find out.
It’s okay to feel lost, it’s okay to take your time. And when the time has come you will exactly know what to do when you follow your intuition, when you listen to what makes you feel happy and your heart feel content.
And suddenly everything started falling into place. It was like all the answers have always been there. Sometimes it just needs a bit of patience. A flower doesn’t grow over night (well some actually do but nevermind). And now I am here, still sitting at the pub while people around me slowly start getting pissed. Which means it’s time for me to come to an end.
To new beginnings and the magic in life.
As every blossom fades and all youth sinks into old age,
so every life’s design, each flower of wisdom,
attains its prime and cannot last forever.
The heart must submit itself courageously
to life’s call without a hint of grief,
A magic dwells in each beginning,
protecting us, telling us how to live.
High purposed we shall traverse realm on realm,
cleaving to none as to a home,
the world of spirit wishes not to fetter us
but raise us higher, step by step.
Scarce in some safe accustomed sphere of life
have we establish a house, then we grow lax;
only he who is ready to journey forth
can throw old habits off.
Maybe death’s hour too will send us out new-born
maybe life’s call to us will never find an end
Courage my heart, take leave and fare thee well.
Hermann Hesse, „Steps“